5 Signs You’re Ready to Explore Somatic Sexology
Many people are drawn to my sexology practice and are curious about the ins and outs of Tantra, somatics, and what it would mean for them to address various levels of sexual shame and/or trauma.
While I believe that finding fulfillment in one’s life sexually is of upmost importance as it can positively affect many aspects of our life and well-being, the timing and conditions of when to initiate the journey of sexual healing and growth needs to be considered.
1 - Your life feels manageable
Everyone has stress — it’s a normal part of life. However, if your life feels like it’s spinning out of control, your finances are suffering, and the state of your mental health is interfering with your daily tasks, stepping into the space of sexual healing and growth is not going to be conducive to you meeting your needs.
Struggling with sexual issues can be very frustrating, isolating, and cause feelings of low self worth, however, in order for these issues to be resolved, your body and mind have to be in a relatively neutral state. This cannot take place if your responsibilities feel overwhelming and that you have too much on your plate in other areas of your life.
2 - You have previous experience working with a therapist or mental health counselor
Most trauma-informed practitioners such as myself operate from the understanding that most people do have trauma, even if it’s minimal. Therefore, I rarely work with people who don’t have previous experience working with a mental health professional because somatic sexology is very intense and triggering to people’s deeply rooted fears, desires, and feelings of shame.
Many clients choose to work with me because they are ready to enter a somatic (body-based) approach to their healing once they’ve worked on the cognitive (mental) piece that is usually addressed in talk therapy. I also work with many clients whose current therapists have recommended them to work with me in conjunction to their therapy treatment.
Even if people who reach out to work with me are simply curious about expanding their sex life and can’t point to any specific issues, trauma, or history of mental health problems, it’s very rare for me to be the first point of contact that someone has in the area of their healing.
3 - You’re willing to make this work a priority
I attract many clients who have careers in busy, fast-paced industries or are creatives whose work fluctuates through a feast-famine cycle. With this, other people who seek out sexual coaching with me are no stranger to prioritizing pleasure in their lives by socializing and traveling. It’s not shocking that people desire to live a balanced life, but this is much easier said than done.
Entering a space of transformation and growth in your sex life requires a lot of time and energy that not all people anticipate when they decide to start working with me. In my own journey of prioritizing my healing and personal development, this meant spending significantly less time engaging in other areas of my life so I could really dedicate myself to achieving the states of body and mind that I deeply desired.
In order for my clients to make progress towards their goals and experience the results they desire, they need to spend a minimum of 4 hours per week engaging in the practices I teach. However, for best results, 6 hours is the most effective.
4 - You’re willing to surrender to the process of transformation
Everyone has different experiences with the process of healing, personal development, and spirituality.
Some people I work with are advanced spiritual practitioners who have years of meditation, yoga, and plant medicine journeys under their belt. Others I work with have experienced significant loss and trauma in their life and understand the “death-rebirth” cycle very well. Many people are encountering mindfulness and spirituality in a meaningful and intentional way for the first time.
Regardless of where you are at, it is essential to set aside previous knowledge and experiences in order to approach working with me from an open mind. When people attach to their old ideas or think that their previous experience with meditation, breathing exercises, or Tantra opts them out from learning from some of the practices I teach, a major obstacle to growth is created because the egoic mind insists that it already has mastered something.
I do not insist nor require that my clients subscribe to everything I teach or believe, in fact, I see what I have to offer as something for my clients to play with, experiment, and explore while they maintain their autonomy and ability to choose.
The process of transformation requires patience — the understanding that the day you plant the seed is not the day you see the harvest. There are no quick fixes in this work, so set aside your sense of urgency, choose slowness, and be willing to let your old skin shed.
5 - You’re willing to view yourself as the person responsible for your life
I believe we all have a right to full sexual autonomy and the freedom to express ourselves sexually, but what we have a right to, we also have a responsibility for.
Trauma, abuse, mental health issues, poverty, racism, sexism, and other types of victimization and oppression cause an incredible amount of suffering and harm that can create lifelong damage. Experiencing injustice, especially if it’s ongoing, causes immense grief and can be very difficult to work through.
Regardless of what someone has been through or struggles with currently, every adult has a certain level of responsibility for their life, even if they are disabled. When we take responsibility for our lives, we can develop healthier relationships with other people who would love nothing more than to contribute to our happiness and well-being.
I offer people the space to recognize that they are autonomous beings who have power in expressing their sexuality, sensuality, eroticism, and desire. Coming to this realization and then embodying it fully doesn’t happen easily. When people are willing to view themselves as the person responsible for their healing and are supported by trusted confidantes, sexual freedom and liberation can be truly known.
My personal experience in healing and transformative spaces as well as my experience as a practitioner who guides other through their own healing and transformation is what informs the perspective I share. Simply “wanting” or “desiring” to grow sexually is not enough to really be ready to do so. There are many instances in which our desires do not align with the circumstances we find ourselves in.
Fortunately, life is a series of overlapping cycles and seasons, so even if you find yourself at this time not in the best space to enter into this area of personal development, it’s only a matter of time that your conditions will change.
For those of you who are ready to enter into the space of sexual healing and transformation, I encourage you reach out to apply to work with me today.