How to Invite Your Partner to Explore Tantra with You
Questions & concerns I often hear from clients include:
How do I get my partner to explore Tantra with me?
I want my partner to learn semen-retention but they seem uninterested.
I’m craving a more spiritual connection with my partner but don’t know how to initiate the conversation.
Some benefits of regularly practicing Tantra with a partner include:
Deeper trust & intimacy
Cultivating sex as a sacred practice
Engaging in sex for healing
Better orgasms
Deepening spiritual connection
Co-regulating each other’s nervous systems
Exploring non-sexual Tantra with a partner can look like learning and practicing meditation together. Exploring sexual Tantra can look like engaging in practices that include meditation, breathing exercises, and sexual healing sessions. From my personal experience, exploring Tantra with a partner can be really fun, exciting, and add beautiful, deep dimensions to the relationship, so it’s no wonder so many people want to try. However, this isn’t always a straightforward journey.
When approaching a partner about wanting to explore Tantra together, keep in mind that this can be a sensitive subject. Although your intentions may be good, if you address your partner without tact, your message may not be well-received. Ultimately, your desire to connect more deeply with your partner can create disconnection.
What I recommend
First, understand and identify your needs surrounding practicing Tantra with your partner as a strategy to meet those needs.
Don’t think or worry about your partner’s needs right in this moment, for now, focus on you.
Your needs might include: connection, intimacy, trust, depth, spiritual, closeness, novelty, safety, security, affection, exploration, adventure, pleasure, growth, expansion, aliveness, consciousness, mindfulness, harmony, peace, transcendence, discovery.
Write down 3 needs that you resonate with you the most.
Then, understand and identify your feelings when you think about exploring Tantra with your partner.
Your feelings might include: curious, fascinated, intrigued, hopeful, encouraged, inspired, excited, aroused, eager, enthusiastic, passionate, blissful, grateful, joyful, happy.
Write down 3 feelings that you resonate with you the most.
Next, answer the following questions in a journal.
I would like to explore Tantra with my partner because I have a need for (list out all the needs).
When I think about exploring Tantra with my partner, I feel (list out all of your feelings).
Now that you’ve connected to yourself more deeply around this subject, your partner will have the opportunity to understand your motivation better.
The best time to bring up the subject is when you already feeling connected to your partner and you have a sense that they are truly present and in the moment with you. Bringing this up when they are in the middle of a something such as working on a task, watching television, or trying to decompress from a stressful day most likely isn’t going to land well.
When do you bring up the subject, keep in mind that you are making a request to your partner, not a demand, and your partner isn’t entitled to fulfill this request for you. If you’re partner feels obligated to fulfill your request out of guilt, it could lead to resentment or disconnection later on. When your partner senses this truly is a request and not a demand, it gives them the opportunity to offer you a gift instead of feeling like they owe you something.
Your conversation may look something like this:
“I’d like to share with you something I’ve been thinking about lately. I’m really interested in Tantra and would love to explore it with you. From my understanding, some of the benefits include ( ). I have a need for ( ), and I think practicing Tantra together can help meet those needs. When I think about exploring Tantra together, I feel ( ). Would you be willing to learn more about it and see if it’s something we can share together?”
With this approach, you are being honest, vulnerable, and allowing your partner to clearly understand your motivation. With this, you are also giving them the opportunity to learn more about it and give them the freedom and choice to decide if it resonates with them without adding pressure, guilt, shame, or manipulation.
Your partner’s response can vary from — “Of course, I would love to!” — “Sure, why not.” — “I’m not sure, can you tell me more?” — “I’ll have to think about it.” — “Maybe in the future.” — “I don’t know if it sounds like something I’d be interested in.”
Regardless of your partner’s response, take a moment to appreciate yourself for having the courage to be vulnerable and transparent about your feelings and needs. If your partner does show interest, don’t try to rush anything. Allow the seed to take root and unfold slowly and gently.
If your partner doesn’t express interest, don’t try force your will on to them. You can, however, gently continue the discussion by asking them things like, “Would you be willing to share what reservations you have?” or “Are there uncomfortable thoughts or feelings that arise when you think about exploring Tantra together that you would be willing to share with me?”
When you sense tension or discomfort in their facial expressions or body language or hear a hard boundary go up such as “I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” or “Can you just drop this?” respect their need for space and safety by ending the conversation.
It’s okay to feel sad or hurt and experience a sense of rejection if they say “no,” but your partner’s “no” doesn’t mean you are unworthy or unlovable.
It’s possible your partner may change their mind, and it’s also possible they won’t. Regardless of your circumstance, Tantra is still something YOU can explore, with or without your partner.
In fact, if you do explore Tantra without your partner, the benefits that you gain from your practice just might inspire them or pique their interest as they begin to witness the changes it brings into your life. If you find yourself exploring Tantra more and more deeply and your partner continues to not want any part of it, take the time to consider whether or not this is a deal-breaker for you. It’s possible that Tantra may be something you just want to dabble in, but it may become something you develop a deep connection to you.
I’d love to hear how this may help you in your endeavor to explore Tantra with a partner! If you do find success with this advice, feel free to send me a message on my Instagram or Contact page.