A Lover Is...
A lover is not a mother or father figure. You are not responsible for teaching someone else right from wrong. You are not responsible for establishing a moral compass or set of values in someone else. You are not responsible for domesticating someone else. You are not responsible for teaching someone how to cook, dress, clean, do laundry, or take take of their home. You are not responsible for another person’s development of compassion, independence, or responsibility.
A lover is not a counselor, therapist, or psychologist. You are not responsible for managing someone else’s emotional development, insecurities, mental disorders, mental illnesses, body image issues, addictions, or complexes. You are not responsible for someone else’s past traumas. You are not responsible for someone else’s mental health.
A lover is not a nutritionist or lifestyle coach. You are not responsible for teaching someone how to eat healthy or take care of their body. You are not responsible for managing another person’s diet or assessing their health and well being.
A lover is not a secretary. You are not responsible for scheduling appointments, setting reminders, booking flights, and managing someone else’s calendar. You are not responsible for organizing and securing important documents for someone else. You are not responsible for undertaking administrative tasks for someone else.
A lover is not a publicist. You are not responsible for promoting or protecting someone else’s reputation. You are not responsible for saving face for someone else when they run their mouth, say something ignorant, or do something harmful. You are not responsible for improving someone else’s image.
A lover is not a punching bag. You are not responsible for taking physical, emotional, mental hits from someone else because they do not know how to properly vent or process their struggles or obstacles without harming another person.
A lover doesn’t live on the back burner. Receiving the scraps of someone else’s time, energy, attention and affection doesn’t make you someone else’s love.
A lover is not an accessory. You are not to wrap yourself around someone else and be seen and not heard. You are not something someone else uses to impress other people. You are a human being with thoughts, feelings, ideas, opinions, and a voice.
Carrying out the roles mentioned above in exchange for someone else’s love, isn’t love.
Take away the labor & services you provide them, & what’s left to love about you?
Your lover is not your project. Someone else is not something you put your skills, knowledge, wisdom, expertise, talents, ideas, creativity, or vision into.
Your lover is not the sun. You are not to revolve your life - your entire existence - around someone else. This is not healthy or normal.
Your lover is not an abandoned child or animal. You are not responsible for rescuing someone else. You are not responsible for helping someone else heal their trust, security, attachment, commitment, abandonment, loyalty, or rejection issues.
Your lover is not a band-aid. If you have open wounds that haven’t healed, you need to get help. Someone else cannot stop your pain. Someone else will not make the bleeding stop. You are responsible for your own healing.
Your lover is not your security blanket or numbing device. You have fears. You may feel guilt, shame, confusion, pain, humiliation, regret, isolation, loneliness, anxiety, depression, grief, and denial... but a relationship will not alleviate any of this.
Your lover is not someone who is in awe of the services you give, the roles you fill, or the labor you provide.
